Wednesday, 29 July 2009

How-to Show-MONEY! MONEY!! MONEY!!!

Tuesday, 28th July, 2009

The How-to show was back on air today, (that is one show that makes me look forward to Tuesdays, it’s my favourite part of AREAAAAA! on Tuesdays) with Miss Moneybags, whose voice sounded uncannily like Tosyn’s, maybe shes her twin sister, ehn? as our presenter, teaching us “How to make enemies with your money “ and as usual, left us more confused than convinced.

Town hall AREAAAAA! this Tuesday was as dynamic as ever, with Tosyn viciously enforcing the “password”, consequently, today, she did not take any call if the caller did not shout AREAAAAA! first. As it happened last week, today again, every single caller mentioned PHCN, excepting maybe 1 or 2 people, but sha the majority mentioned PHCN. But really except a person is blind, lame and deaf, you cannot possibly say that it is not obvious that our power sector is at the tail end of its collapse process, and we’re still waiting for the promised state of emergency to be declared, after almost three years?! Na wa o. A lot of people also complained about the bad roads and traffic holdups in their areas.

On the PUBLIC FORUM, we discussed “Begging; is it good to give alms on the street or is it more advisable to give to an organized charity” some people said that they have to give alms as it is a commandment in their religion, a lady said she would never give alms again in her life because of an experience she had where she was almost robbed in traffic because she wanted to give alms to a beggar, a lot of people felt it is dangerous to give to beggars on the street, what with ritual killers and whatnots, and many others disagreed, some felt it should be organized, others felt giving doesn’t have to be structured. Personally, I give people when I feel like giving and they look like they need it, there was this young man that came begging me for money in Yaba one day, he didn’t look hungry, had no obvious disabilities and spoke fluent English, I didn’t give him any money o, though he begged me for a very long time, I just couldn’t justify giving him a dime. I had a problem with the fact that this was a young strapping Nigerian man, he couldn’t be more than 20, and the only thing he could find to do was beg! and he was doing it without any shame, I mean, none at all, in fact, he even seemed delighted to be begging. I know Nigerian men can be very egoistic and illustrious, this guy was the complete opposite and I just couldn’t stand it.

  • FG will spend 36 billion naira on the dredging of River Niger,which will affect about 80 communities, involving NPA and safety commission
  • About 5 policemen killed, a police station burnt and 60 “Talibans” killed in the uprising in Northern Nigeria, the sect has reportedly overpowered the police in a town on the Nigerian-Cameroun border.
  • A study carried out reports that a drivers chances of collision is 23 times higher when texting while driving
  • MJ: Reports say that MJ’s personal doctor administered the powerful drug that killed. Please can they just let him be abeg, he’s dead already!
  • Mariah Carey claims marriage affects her singing, according to her, “everything changes when you’re in love”. We go love o!


Top 5 gainers
OANDO, Nigerian Breweries, Benue Cement Company, Julius Berger, Flour Mills
Top 5 losers
7UP, UACN, GTB, Cement Company of Northern Nigeria, UPL

The sun rose at 6:40am and will set at 7:05pm. Early morning rains in parts of Lagos will give way to a partly cloudy day and scattered thunderstorms. Maximum temperature is 29 degree Celsius, minimum temperature and overnight low is 22 degree Celsius. It’s going to be a very cold day especially because of the wind chill.

THE HOW TO SHOW with Miss MoneybagsMiss Moneybags, who read the texts and received calls from her gold plated blackberry which she bought when she travelled last week (cough), gave us the following tips on how to make enemies with your money:
• Plan a huge outing for your friends, place a large order of food and drinks for yourself and eat it all alone
• While your friend is celebrating their ”new” tokunbo car, pick up your phone and order the latest and most expensive version of that same car to add to your fleet.
• Offer to pay 50 million naira for a 5 million naira car
• Blare loud music, splash water on people with your new sports car
• Always ask people to bow down and adore you anytime they need something from you
• Walk into a club order bottles of champagne, in this recession period, pop them and pour them all over yourself
• Go for an outing in a convoy about 7 cars, if anyone asks for a ride, say theres no space, while the cars are empty
• Snatch someone’s wife or girlfriend
• At an event with a friend who’s complaining about no being able to pay bills, bring out the exact amount he needs and spray it all on the dance floor
• Tell your friend who stuck by you when you were broke that levels have changed o, you have to drop some excess baggage i.e. him/her

Thats it for today. See you tomorrow


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