Tuesday, 30 June 2009

AREAAAAAAAA!! TOP MORNING auditions! You know now, today is the area ooo singing joint! We had quite a number of groupie calls today, one of our regular callers Tobi and his sister who’d been out of the show for one week due to the breakdown of their mums phone (I hope TOP OF THE MORNING isn’t responsible for the phone pack up) call in today. It was very exciting.
Today will be a cold day with rains and scattered thunderstorms, the maximum temperature will be 31 degree Celsius while the minimum temperature and overnight low will be 22 degree Celsius. The sun rose at 6:35am and will set at 7:05pm.

On the PUBLIC FORUM, we had the sensitive issue of the amnesty granted the Niger-delta militants on our plate:
As expected there were emotional takes for both sides of the argument; some saying that the militants were criminals and were kidnapping for money and since they had tasted the millions on offer, government would have to deal decisively with them.

Others just wanted peace, amnesty or no amnesty but obviously we would need to dig deeper than that if we want any solution.

Some others thought the government were being insincere with the issue and that development of the area was the only thing that would shut up the militants an indigene of the Niger-delta declared that the majority of Nigerians do not grasp the nitty-gritty of the situation, giving a little history of how unlike in the old days you cannot get good food crops like cassava and other staples from the farmlands, the terrible roads, polluted water etc. He said he went to Abuja and seeing the beauty of the place got terribly angry because the FCT was funded from the devastation of his place with no attendant intervention. So imagine if this guy was a jobless depressed, hungry and angry indigene.

Personally, as one from the Niger-delta, id love a time to come very quickly when militancy issues will be history and we can harness our abundant creativity but while the government continues to play politics with the lives and future of our country you cannot expect anything better than one liar dealing with another.

We’ve learnt that the long-time lawyer to Michael who came back on board three weeks ago (ironic?) will file Michael’s will with the courts in a weeks time, though his parents who thought he didn’t have a will had filed initial papers over the administration of his property. I guess we’d just leave space everyday for a long while for MJ gist…

At his judgment Benard Madoff, the Wall Street investment guru who swindled virtually every kind and category of persons of their investment altogether worth 50billion dollars, turned to the people he had destroyed and said “I’m sorry, even though I know it would not be enough”. He was shortly after sentenced to 150 years in prison.

TI’s fiancĂ© is looking to kick start a career and define herself with her husband in prison, also the divorced wife of Lil’Wayne is looking to just have fun and set up a nails studio; both of them are billed to star in a new reality TV show to be called the ‘Tiny and Tony’ show. Isn’t it just beautiful how these people make a mountain out of junk? We may soon start seeing all sorts of criminals getting out of prison and doing a reality show on how prison does well for hip-hop stars…God!

The Iranian election dispute has set off a huge eruption of opinions as to the validity of results and resultant uprising, abuse of power; etc a recount has reconfirmed Ahmadinejad as the winner of the elections though there was an unapproved demonstration again from supporters of the opposition leader. Meanwhile accusation and counter accusations fly between nations...the world is really a village, every country better start living it up. no shadiness anymore.

A lover of Asia’s richest lover has claimed a document willing her estate to him is not forged. He, 49 was her lover before her death at 62, the 402nd richest person on earth. there is a different will purportedly by the same woman so the case is in court now being contested.

Church thief? Not really a new occurrence but a woman in a church was caught stealing money from the purse of a parishioner who knelt to pray it was also discovered that she had earlier stolen from someone who went for communion…was she expecting God to cover her? Maybe she thought since she was in church she’ll be easily forgiven…Lord have mercy.

On HOW TO HOUR, we learnt how to be a nuisance on Lagos roads and incense LASTMA:
• Seat belts are only for people who are afraid.
• Entertain yourself by calling your friends on latest gossip as you drive,
you should not even be holding the steering wheel.
• To incense LASTMA throw thrash at them while driving.
• Drive in reverse on third mainland bridge.
• While driving stop and sleep on the middle of the road.
• Suddenly stop at the car at the middle of the road stop and answer the phone.
• Block the whole road when there is a little scratch on your car and force
every other road user to be a judge on the case.
• Honk to the rhythm of your favorite TOP morning jams as you drive.
• Be sure to follow the unruly people as long as they have a siren
• Have a phone in one hand and a snack in the other, when LASTMA comes up to
you, throw the pack out of your car.
• The middle of the road is a place to hangout, chill take a drink and feel
good. Since there are no places to hangout in Lagos.
• Drive against a one-way all the time.
• If you are a VIP, under no circumstance should you stop at a red light, you
are important, above the law, just go on.
• For ladies, it is more fun to dress and make up when the green light is
about to show
• While driving, stop, fart then call a LASTMA official to verify if you
really farted
• Drive slowly and try to overtake every other car on the road.
• Stop on the road and slap the traffic official for dressing in color riot

Obviously you’ll constitute an excellent NUISANCE any where in Lagos.

Have a nice day.


  1. It really was laugh out loud funny!

    You missed out TWITTER tho!
    u shd tweet while driving!

  2. Na real trouble person go dey find o! This was really hilarious! LASMA will kill!